Womanese---The Secret Language of Women

Many of you know that I've been sharing my vast collection of delicious humor on my Facebook page.  I hope you're enjoying it as much as I am.  The following passage was a bit too lengthy to put on Facebook, but too good not to share, so the humor continues here.  Please keep in mind that this is for the humor value only and that I haven't slipped into the gun toting, pants wearing male role of my household.  Well, maybe the gun toting part, but that's the topic for another discussion.


Men may think they have a command of the English language, but when it comes to communicating with women, they are always surprised. Here is our dictionary of Womanese. Master these terms and you'll find your relationship with women greatly improved.

The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women  

1. Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.  
   
   
2. That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.  
   
   
3. Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1).
   
   
4. Five Minutes - If getting dressed, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.)
   
   
5. Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.
   
   
6. Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)  
   
   
7. Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)  
   
   
8. Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)